Not the hardest job in the world
by thatsnumberwang
Summary: from a Glee kink meme prompt. Finn is working at a porn shop, when Shelby walks in looking for something ...there is a little bit of Rachel in there too. I do not own the characters.


**Not the hardest job in the world **

AN: This takes place before "Journey"

It's not the hardest job in the world; I mean stocking shelves is stocking shelves. Now I just stock boxes filled with two headed vibes and 12" dongs rather than water filtration units and duvets. My dick gets hard a lot more at work, but I guess that's to be expected when you work at "John's adult dvd & more".

It's all Terri's, I mean ex-Mrs. Shuester's fault for firing me from Sheets and Things after that customer complained. John's was the only place that was hiring. Honestly, the hardest part of the job (apart from my dick) is keeping Puck from finding out where I work now. And my Mom. So far so good. Pays about the same, and I've gotten a few free pornos out of it. I may wind up jerking my cock clear off my body, but for now it's cool.

Rod hired me; he's the manager. He's in his 20s and knows everything about what we stock and sell, which is a lot. I didn't even know there was such a thing as edible underwear. I asked Rod about it and he explained how they work. Turns out they're for chicks and when they wear them …you well, lick, uh…you know. I had to go to the back room and think of the mailman for a good 10 minutes after he told me that. I think it cracks Rod up that I have a hard on 90% of the time at work, but at least I'm not named after a penis. He's such a dick sometimes.

I can't help but think about boobs at work , and that makes me think of Rachel. And then I think of all the stuff in the store that I want to try out with her. She isn't mine, but she's the one I always think of. I know exactly what I really want to buy her, but I think crotchless panties might get me killed. Whoever invented them is a super genius though. I mean, they're panties, which are awesome, and they're _crotchless._ My head almost exploded when I opened the shipping containers and there they were, 200 red and 200 black panties. With no crotch.

I think about her wearing them …that would be totally awesome . The red ones with the little bow in front, under her short little skirt … (mailman)

I got called to cover the front counter today, because Rod had to "step out for personal reasons". I'm not really supposed to be up here, since I'm under 18, but he figures I'm tall, no one who shops here is going to look too closely or give a crap. They just wanna buy their porn. Except for the fact that they are buying whips and dildos, it's exactly like working the register at Sheets and Things, well, except people don't look you in the eye, and the bags you put stuff in are black so you can't see what perverts everybody is.

We haven't had a customer in awhile, and Rod has been gone 40 minutes now. I'm pretty sure his personal business is either him getting some, or he's smoking out again, which means I may be here all night. Fuck.

The bell at the door rings again and I finally have another customer. It's actually a woman, which is different. Most of our customers are dudes. Ugly dudes. I totally wouldn't be surprised to see that Jacob kid shopping in here. Anyhow, this chick is too pretty to be here. I mean I think she is, I can only see her back. She's older, has nice dark long hair, and is wearing a black leather coat and highheels. Her legs are killer, really long and tan, and her ass looks amazing in that skirt she has on. I have no idea what this MILF is doing in our skeevy store. There is no way that this lady has any problems getting laid, yet there she is over at the wall of vibes and dildos. Shit, she's coming over.

She _is_ really pretty; I can see that as she's heading towards me. I can also see that she's Shelby Cocoran, my sort of ex-girlfriend's sort of Mom. Shit shit shit. I am full on panicking. She's talking, but my brain has shut down completely, I am just nodding along to whatever she's saying right now. There is a flicker in her eyes for a moment, and I know she recognizes me too, from that whole thing with the slashed tires. This is bad.

She doesn't say anything about it though. I guess she decides to forget that I'm too young and not supposed to be working in a porn shop, so I decide to go along with that. My Mom so does not need to know about this.

The panic fog in my brain clears and I start to recognize the words coming out of her mouth. "Could you help me over here?" She's gesturing back over to the dildo section. This is not good. I do not want to be near Rachel's sexy not-mom and a wall of plastic cocks.

"Um, yeah…I guess so. I generally don't help customers…so I.." I am glancing around the empty store, looking for an excuse. But there's nothing. Rod does not magically appear. The fucker.

"I'm sure it will be fine."

I leave the register, something Rod would probably kick my ass for, and she and I head over towards the "big wall of dicks" as we call it. There is a fleshy rainbow of dildos and vibrators of every size and color on display so that people can figure out what they need. People like Shelby Cocoran in her deep v-neck sweater that shows off her boobs. Not that I am looking. Much. I'm trying not to, okay? It's not my fault she doesn't look like a mom. Her boobs are great. Definitely bigger than Rachel's.

"What do you recommend?" She's holding up a purple one that looks like some sort of twisty alien penis.

Recommend? Is she serious? Uh, I have a penis, and it's more than I can handle most of the time.

"Umm, well it depends on what you want it ..to do. (I quickly read off the package) This one is for uh, deep g-spot stimulation." (what's a g-spot? Is that something girls have?)

"Hmm…" She's biting her bottom lip. I never noticed how she has the same mouth as Rachel. Rosy pink, wide, with those amazing full lips. I have dreams about those lips almost every single night, sucking and kissing...stuff. "I'm looking for something...sizeable."

She just totally looked at my package. I swear I am not even making this up. She looked at my dick (which is getting hard – fuck) and then she licked her lips and looked me straight in the eye.

I know I'm blushing now. My face feels like its on fire, but I am going to just ignore it. Right. Ignoring it. What did she say? "Sizeable?"

"You know, bigger than average, but not too big. Do you think you can help me find something like that?" She glances down at the bulge in my pants again as she's saying it, and my cock twitches like she called it's name. No lie.

Uh, okay. I turn away from her, but I can feel her eyes on me, and my dick does too. It refuses to stay down. I am blindly looking at the display wall of dildos and I figure that she wants something that is bigger than average, well, I'm bigger than the rest of the guys on the football team, so maybe I can fumble my way out of this. Looking around I see a hot pink dildo that is 9" and about the right thickness. I take it down and hold it in my hand, testing the weight and size – it seems about right. The only dick I've ever held is my own and this feels like the plastic version of Finn Jr.

I turn and proudly hold it out to her, completely forgetting that it is a big rubbery dildo, and not a duvet cover or an embroidered throw pillow. I really miss Sheets and Things right now. She takes it from me and holds it in her hand, and I swear I get a little harder. It's like she's holding me…if I were a dildo. It's weird. But hot. She's looking it over and she has the sexiest smile on her face right now. She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and looks up at me again from under her lashes.

"Okay. Now how about lube?"

By some miracle I don't come in my pants.

Just then (thank god) Rod comes back in and sees the problem. He takes over to ring her purchase up and sends me on my dinner break. I am so grateful I just run to the stockroom and don't look back, relieved that I don't have to keep pretending to not check out Rachel's sexy non-mom. I don't even want to punch Rod in the nuts anymore for leaving me in the store for like an hour by myself.

I am really hungry, but I have a bigger problem to take care of first. A 9" problem. There is a bonafide tent happening in my pants, and I don't really want to jack off in the store washroom. I don't even like to pee in there. Maybe I can do it in my car. Slightly less sleazy, but much cleaner. I need to do it now though, before my balls explode.

I cut out through the little alley in back of the store to head to my car and run right into her, Shelby, as she's leaving. My hands automatically grab hold of her arms to keep her from falling. After she gets over the shock, she laughs and smiles up at me. It's that same sexy smile, with those lips…

"Do you want to see what I got?" She opens her bag and pulls out the dildo that is me-sized, "I took your suggestion." Her voice is low, pure sex, and once again all I can do is nod. There is a lump in my throat and a bigger lump in my pants. I realize that I am still holding onto her arm, and my thumb is rubbing circles on the leather sleeve of her jacket. She still has the dildo out between us and she is talking about it being the perfect size, and I just bend down and rest my face on the top of her head. I don't know why. It just feels right.

She pushes me back a little bit into the alley and I feel her body press against mine. That is definitely her hand cupping me through my jeans.

"Miss Cocor…" Her hand leaves my dick and covers my mouth. I close my lips and just fall back against the wall of the store a little looking up at the sky overhead. Her hand is stroking me through my jeans again, and I don't try to talk anymore, though I am groaning a little. The brick wall is rough against my back, but I don't care because she's pulling my dick out of my pants and stroking me slowly. Oh my god, it feels so good, so good.

She kneels down in front of me pulling my jeans and underwear down some more and my cock springs free, almost hitting her in the face. If I could speak right now I would apologize, but she is stroking me faster and running her thumb over the head, spreading my pre-cum around and I can't even think. I have never felt anything this good. I close my eyes and listen my own heavy breathing filling the alley.

"Do you like that?" I look down at her and mutely nod. "Has anyone ever touched you like this?"

I manage to ground out a "No". My eyes are fixed on her hand stroking me in the dim light, and I watch her face as she looks at my cock. Her hair and mouth, everything, remind me so much of Rachel, and that shouldn't be turning me on right now, but it is.

I feel like I am going to die when her tongue touches me. I am trying so hard to think of the mailman, dead puppies, Jesse singing with Rachel, anything to keep from ending this too soon. I have to look down again though; I can't miss seeing this happen to my dick for the first time.

Oh god. She looks just like Rachel. Her hair is the same, her skin is the same, and I can see those lips stretched tight over my cock as it slides in and out of her mouth. I run my hands through her soft dark hair, cradling her head as she moves back and forth, taking my length in. Her mouth feels so hot and wet; I never want this to stop. I can feel the tension building, looking for release, and I try to hold it off.

I hear soft moaning and I realize it's me. It just feels so amazing I can't help it. My hips start rocking into her mouth as she sucks me in, and I can feel it starting to happen.

"I'm gonna…Oh fuck!"

She pulls her mouth away and I almost black out as I come. It's the most intense thing I have ever felt. I can't move, and I am so glad I have this wall to hold me up right now. My heart feels as if it's about to burst out of my chest. My spent cock is pulsing against my leg.

I feel her pull my pants up and press a light kiss on my cheek, but by the time my eyes open she's gone. I hear a car pull away as I adjust myself and zip up. I don't have the energy to move at all, but I have never felt so peaceful and content.

It isn't until I'm sitting finishing my meatball sub (seriously, screw Rod if he thinks I'm not gonna leave him hanging) that I realize that not only did a) I get my first blowjob, but b) I thought of another girl the whole time. I guess that makes me a jerk.

Huh. I never had these problems at Sheets and Things.

Still, it's not the hardest job in the world.


End file.
